Scatterbrained

I have so very much I want to share, but I just don't seem to be able collect any of thoughts well enough to express any of them right now.

It feels as though my mind is in a million different pieces.  Before Ali died, we would often joke that my mind worked like a Bing commercial.  It would jump from one idea to the next so quickly no one else could hardly keep up.  Or sometimes I would describe it like having 20 different tabs open on the internet browser in my mind.  I would flip between tabs frequently without much of a transition between ideas. 

Now dealing with the loss of Ali and the pain the comes with that, my thoughts seem even more disjointed at times.  Scatterbrained would be a good descriptive word for me right now.  I've been trying to write and express myself for a week now, but feeling like I keep hitting a brick wall. Why won't the words and thoughts flow easily?

I finally realized last week this is all part of grieving.  Grieving (at least for me) isn't all sadness and tears.  It's not being able to focus.  Sometimes it's feeling numb.  Or often just a terrible restlessness and inability to sit still.  But sometimes in brief moments, usually when I least expect it, it IS a terrible consuming sadness, with tears pouring down my cheeks, longing for my precious little girl.  And it is times of feeling as fragile as an egg.  Grief is hard! And it is also different than I ever expected!

But praise be to God!  He continues to show His love and kindness, His grace and mercy to us all as we walk this difficult journey!  He DOES comfort us in the midst of our sorrow.

Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.  Matthew 5:4