Coping...

I had a hard time finding much helpful information about miscarrying naturally online, but eventually found Hope In Miscarriage.  It was very helpful to read through the information this woman shared regarding her own experience with miscarriage.  It helped me to prepare myself.

There was a lot I learned in the midst of this miscarriage and grief.  I was extremely thankful to have my husband here with me when I miscarried and I certainly would not ever try to go through a miscarriage alone.  I needed help with the other children and I needed help managing everything going on with me physically.  Once the bleeding started I was not able to do or focus on anything else.

Having been through 9 healthy births and now one miscarriage, I must say that I am always even more amazed at my husband afterwards.  He is AWESOME and I am an extremely blessed lady!  He often knows my needs before I can even express them myself.  He takes care of me so tenderly and lovingly.  Every birth draws us closer together in unique ways and this miscarriage was not any different. I thank God for this amazing man!

Once again, God has reminded me of my tendency to try to manage everything in my own strength, and once again He has shown me my own utter inability to do so and my desperate need for Him.  I NEED Him... DESPERATELY to make it through each and every day.  I was so terrible broken and completely overwhelmed when we were hit with the stomach flu in the midst of recovering and coping with a long and hard miscarriage.  And yet it wasn't until that point that I realized I had been relying on my own strength... the flu was exactly what I needed to get my attention.

God also reminded me once again each and every child is a great blessing, including this sweet babe we will never meet this side of heaven.  As such, Al and I agreed it was important to name this blessing. We have finally agreed on Taavi Shiloh which means dearly beloved gift of God. We do not know if the baby was a boy or a girl, but chose a name which we felt could be used for either.  Taavi is pronounced TAW'vee.  You can hear the pronunciation here.

We also wanted to bury the baby.  We picked out a beautiful box and buried Taavi out next to Ali's memorial tree in our yard.  It seemed a very appropriate place.

It is a great comfort to know that both Ali and Taavi are worshipping our amazing God together in heaven.  Facing all of this grief over the last year, certainly reminds me that this world is NOT our home.  Heaven seems ever so much sweeter when we face the sting of the death of our loved ones.  Praise God He has conquered death and that one glorious day all His children will be reunited forever.